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Archive for the ‘Cheating’ Category

No one could be more unforgettably gorgeous and stylish than starlet Kate Hudson – so why do her boyfriends keep forgetting about her?  Most recently, Hudson endured the indignity of being turned away from a VIP area because boyfriend Matt Bellamy – lead singer of Muse – “forgot” to put her name on the guest list.

A man who really likes a woman will not forget about her – will not forget to call when he said he would, will not forget he had a date with her, will not forget to put her name on a list, will not forget it’s Valentine’s Day, will not forget her birthday, will not forget her number…he will not forget!  But the man who’s not that into you?  He’ll forget – a clear red flag, and one once waved should be your signal to forget about him.  Cross him off your list.  Let him go.  Don’t agonize. In a word: Next!

Unfortunately, the 31-year-old actress has seemed to make something of a second career in ignoring such signals, falling fast and hard for her men, which in turn makes them take her for granted and feel suffocated by her.  The result: a string of very brief and bumpy flings.  And the pattern seems to be spiralling out of control, leading to increased public embarrassment, and certainly private heartache.

After a six year marriage to Chris Robinson (singer for The Black Crowes), she began an on-again-off-again relationship with Owen Wilson (one of the break-ups preceded his suicide attempt).  She moved on to date comedian Dax Shepard for a few months.  A summer romance with Lance Armstrong ended sadly when he dumped her.  Despite claiming she wanted to be single for as long as possible in December of ’08, she rushed headlong and hot and heavy into a relationship with NY Yankee Alex Rodriguez, which he ended after six months.

So, now she’s dating Bellamy, and if past is prologue, that will last for another few weeks or couple of months and then he’ll “need his space.”  Hudson could save herself precious time – and emotional tranquility – by reading the writing on the wall, or better yet, reading The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider.   She could start right now, either practicing on Bellamy, or the next man who will surely be around the corner, with the following.

  • Not acting like a groupie by flying around the globe to see his shows (she should let him come to her).
  • Not flying off to meet his kids after only one date, as she did with Lance Armstrong.
  • Not saying “I love you first” like she reportedly did with Lance Armstrong (kiss of death).
  • Not moving in with men, as she did after dating Chris Robinson for just four days.
  • Not inviting men you’re dating on a vacation – certainly not with your extended family – as she did with Dax Shepard, after dating only a couple weeks!

Fortunately, Kate’s got a full life, a wonderful son, a thriving career and a loving family – she should concentrate on being happy, busy, independent, and not so focused on the men in her life. Above all, she should stop chasing men – let them chase her until she catches them for good!

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If your husband cheats — even once — should you take him back? And if he cheats — like Jesse James did to Sandra Bullock — over and over, with the trashiest women possible, heedless of both decency and disease, could you take him back?

With reports of divorce lawyers and moving vans circulating, the answer appears to be leaning toward “No,” for Bullock.  And while that can only be a heartbreaking decision for a woman who so clearly was deeply and genuinely in love with her husband, it’s also the wise decision.

It may be true that James is now desperate to hold on to his marriage — and that he is entering rehab for sex addiction. He may be really, really sorry — and no doubt he is (at least sorry he got caught). But even were Sandra to forgive and reconcile with him, the marriage would never be the same — in large part because Jesse was never the man his wife thought or hoped he was.

Rule #40 in Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider’s Rules for Marriage put it squarely:

“Once a cheater, always a cheater.  We are not telling you that you must divorce your husband for one sexual infidelity. We are just saying that even if you decide to stay married to him, your marriage is really over.”

Certainly every marriage is different, and I would never judge a woman who decides to remain with a cheater for the sake of family, or finances, or even political ambition. It’s her business and I don’t really care. What I do care about is that women should not feel socially pressured to “stand by her man” after he’s proven a proclivity to hurt and betray her. Nor should she feel obliged to treat a dangerous character flaw as a disease/addiction beyond the “addict’s” control.

When confronted about their infidelity, most cheaters will deny, deny, deny. What’s most important for the victim is not to deny — but instead to face the painful truth that a man who has cheated on you will likely do it again, and that the surest way to avoid continued hurt and humiliation is not to try and “work it out” but to walk away.

Follow Jag Carrao on Twitter: www.twitter.com/maliburulesgirl

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